The good with the bad

On the second day of reading lessons with Jamie I was having difficulty getting her motivated. As I was nudging her a little to engage with me she said, "Mommy, I want a REAL teacher. I don't want you to be my teacher." My heart broke in two. I didn't say anything to her at that moment. Instead I left her alone with a coloring book and continued preparing some worksheets and other lesson plans. A little while later Jamie became interested in what I was doing (which was setting up the sight word memory game) and asked if she could play with me. So we started to play and she was doing very well. Suddenly she stopped what she was doing, turned to me and said, "Mommy, I'm sorry for telling you I didn't want you to be my teacher. I do. I like being together. I love you." And then she gave me a big hug. I almost cried. I suppose even with sending children to public school there are days they just don't want to go and other days they're up at the crack of dawn excited to catch the bus. I suspect the same will be true with our homeschooling. And just like with parenting-- the baby that won't sleep, the two year old that throws tantrums ONLY when EVERYONE is watching, the five year old that won't settle down and go to sleep at night, the teenager that breaks all the rules and stays out past curfew -- the good times ALWAYS outweigh the bad times.

Homeschooling! I suppose "officially" we started Jamie's Kindergarten curriculum September 9th, the day after most public schools in the area started. After an afternoon at the park with the Home Learner's Association, we got down to business by learning five of the Dolch Sight Words. On day one I showed Jamie flashcards with the words I, LITTLE, THE, YOU and GO. Then, laid out in front of her were 26 squares with each letter of the alphabet on them. Jamie had to choose the letters that were in each of her sight words. She always chose the right letters and put them in the proper order. On day two I made fifteen flashcards (3 cards for each word) and taped them all around the house (on the fridge, the door frame, the oven, the windows, etc.) I wrote the first word on her chalkboard: LITTLE. She went in search for the flashcards that had the word LITTLE written on them. When she brought all three cards back she said the word out loud, wrote the word in her writing journal, and then went searching for the next word. On day three we played a memory game with the five sight words. As we've moved onto the next "unit" of sight words (me, help, a, can, jump) we've added these words to our memory game. We still play the word hunt game but only with the NEW five sight words. It's been soooo rewarding to watch her learn so quickly and to be so excited and motivated!

Variations on a Theme by Grilled Cheese

Who doesn't love a gooey, steaming hot grilled cheese sandwich? In my house with three kids ages one, three and five, we couldn't live without bread, cheese and butter. That's why I had to start mixing it up a bit. Here are a few of my favorite grilled cheese variations:



Grilled Pizza
mozzarella, pepperoni and tomato sauce


Grilled Taco
cheddar, refried beans (or taco seasoned ground beef) and salsa


Monte Cristo
Swiss, turkey, apple


Reuban
swiss, corned beef, saurkraut, thousand island dressing


Grilled Egg
colby or cheddar, scrambled egg, crumbled bacon or sausage


Tuna Melt
cheddar, tuna, sliced apple or diced celery

Hot Ham
Ham, provolone, dijon mustard

Chicken Parmesan
Mozzarella, parmesan, breaded chicken (either a patty or 2-3 nuggets)

Chicken Fajita
Cheddar, grilled chicken (flavored with lime or your favorite fajita seasoning) diced peppers



What are some of your family's favorite hot sandwiches?

Defining Myself

What defines who we are? Is it the clothes we wear? The t.v. shows we watch? The people we know? The talents we have? What sets us apart from others? For most of my life, what set me apart was my religion: Mormon. Mormonism is more than a religion, however, it's also a culture- a way of life. Being Mormon always affected my decisions: from what to eat or drink to what I could wear. Restrictions are said to give you freedom but what good is that freedom if you're not living? And so this season of change, this "new journey" I'm on may seem to some like "a series of unfortunate events" but to me it is "the first steps of the journey." I'm leaving behind the Mormon identity and moving forward hoping to rediscover myself: my true self. In the few short weeks that I have been traveling this path I'm happier, more relaxed, more at peace than ever before. It appears I was so insecure for so long because I was trying to be something I wasn't born to be. I was an imposter-- always nervous about when, how, where, and by whom I would get caught. I don't want to spend my life being a fake. I want to live a sincere, truthful, happy life and up until now I was struggling to find that. So now that my religion no longer defines me, what will? I'm hoping it will be the way I raise and teach my children to be positive contributions to their community. Perhaps I'll be defined by how I treat my friends, my loved ones, my neighbors and even strangers passing by. Maybe I'll be defined by my best traits: honest, loyal, sincere, and courageous. I can only hope and pray.

A New Journey

To quote Lemony Snicket, from his book A Series of Unfortunate Events, "What might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of the journey." There is so much truth in that statement. Think about any trial you've ever faced in your lifetime. What was the end result? Did you learn from it? Did you grow? Surely you came out better for having struggled and endured. There have been countless instances in my life where this has been the case. But the positive results don't always come on their own. Most of the positive that comes from our experiences depends on our own perspective. WE are responsible to find the lessons and draw strength from our circumstances. Often, bystanders can see more easily the good that can come from a situation when we are blinded by emotions- confusion, hurt, disappointment or pride. We may simply be too close to the picture to take it all in. But other times people struggle to see the positives in other's circumstances because of their own bias or lack of information. Think about it- persepective changes truth. Knowledge changes truth.

And so I repeat, "What might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of the journey." I am on a new journey that for some will come as sad news. For many it will be disappointing, shocking, maybe unbelievable. But for those that know me best they will begin to see the happiness that has infiltrated my life. The relief and peace I am experiencing as a result of beginning this journey will be evident to those that can set their own bias aside and see me for who I am and not just what I choose (or do not choose) to place my faith in.

In the first post for this blog I wrote, "I've started this blog to share my stories about being a woman, wife, and mother... I don't intend to hold anything back." I'm a woman of my word and have every intention of honoring that statement no matter how uncomfortable or difficult it might be. From here on out it's all about being truthful, real. No more pretending.

To Everything... Turn, Turn, Turn

There comes a time in everyone's life when you realize there really is a time and a season for everything. I remember when school was my focus and also when I knew my education was going to be obtained, not from a university, but from the experiences of raising and homeschooling my children. I remember when I knew the season for my childbearing years was upon me and I remember just as vividly when I realized that season had changed. Many great and wonderful things are happening in my family's lives. After a year and a half of unemployment and part time jobs, my husband was hired at a respectable auto body collision center in the area (Northside Collision) FULL TIME with BENEFITS and BONUSES! No doubt, this opportunity will dramatically change our current (very poor!) circumstances. It's amazing we didn't lose 10 lbs. each this past year sweating over paying the rent and the car payment. And yet, we're grateful for the difficult lessons we learned while we were so financially strapped.
Our children are growing and changing every day. Ashley (age 1) is walking, Jamie (age 5) is learning to read and write, and Brian (age 3) is overcoming his Apraxia of Speech and has added several new words to his vocabulary. Brian also picked out his very first "wardrobe" of super hero big boy underwear! We're 90% accident free on day three of potty training! One month ago I started a part time job working in customer service at "yogen fruz" a frozen yogurt franchise at ShoppingTown Mall. Lots and lots of changes.
Changes are seeping into all areas of our lives: family, friends, finances, faith. Over the next few weeks I hope to utilize my blog as a way to share with you in more detail the changes occuring in my life. I haven't been blogging for the last 6 weeks because instead I've been filling the pages of my personal journal. A friend wote to me in an email today and convinced me it was time to start sharing instead of keeping it all to myself. She wrote, "I love to read what you write--it makes me think and touches my heart. I also really admire how open and frank you are--that takes a lot of courage. I wish I had that." So... on with being "open and frank..."

Rules to Live By

Years ago when I was a teenager struggling through some pretty serious depression, my mother wrote me a letter of encouragement. Included in the envelope was a page entitled, "Some Rules to Live By." It looks like this:
1) To be happy I don't have to be successful at everything I try
2)I do not have to be liked and accepted by all people at all times.
3) If I make a mistake, it's okay.
4) If someone disagrees with me it doesn't mean they don't like me.
5) My value as a person does not depend on what others think of me. I am a child of God. The worth of my soul is great in his eyes.
6) I cannot make people love me but I can love myself
7) Good people sometimes get angry and can have negative feelings too
8) Bad things do happen to great people.

I believe the list was longer but somehow the pages have been separated over the years and it's this one page I have tucked inside my journal. I've been doing a lot of soul searching, praying and pondering to find even more "rules to live by." So far, my list has expanded just slightly:

9) Perfection is not what God requires in order to bless us. It is our thoughts and desires that God is interested in (Revelation 2:23). If our thoughts and desires are in tune with God's Will then we will be blessed.
10) Keep your promises, be truthful, be fair
11) Always be willing to serve. Seek for ways to serve your family, your neighbors
12) Use common sense. Have the heart of a child, the mind of an adult. Be simple, affectionate and teachable.
13) Moderation in all things
14) Choose the right for the right reasons.
15) Be patient, have faith. There will be many times in life when you won't understand why things are happening or why you're being inspired to follow a certain path. With patience and faith the day will come when you'll see.

I try my hardest everyday to remember these rules. Life can be overwhelming at times. Too often I overthink things. I demand perfection from myself even when I know it's not possible. I know that if I'm doing everything I can to be a good person, to have compassion and concern for those around me, it will please God and He will contiue to bless me. I do not need to hold myself to anyone else's standards. (The standards I set for myself are high enough!!) As I tarry on this journey we call life, I'm certain I will keep adding to this list of "rules to live by." Perhaps you will see future blog posts inspired by a few more rules that I will discover and want to share. In the meantime I will do my best to remember one more important rule: Follow your heart, always.