The good with the bad

On the second day of reading lessons with Jamie I was having difficulty getting her motivated. As I was nudging her a little to engage with me she said, "Mommy, I want a REAL teacher. I don't want you to be my teacher." My heart broke in two. I didn't say anything to her at that moment. Instead I left her alone with a coloring book and continued preparing some worksheets and other lesson plans. A little while later Jamie became interested in what I was doing (which was setting up the sight word memory game) and asked if she could play with me. So we started to play and she was doing very well. Suddenly she stopped what she was doing, turned to me and said, "Mommy, I'm sorry for telling you I didn't want you to be my teacher. I do. I like being together. I love you." And then she gave me a big hug. I almost cried. I suppose even with sending children to public school there are days they just don't want to go and other days they're up at the crack of dawn excited to catch the bus. I suspect the same will be true with our homeschooling. And just like with parenting-- the baby that won't sleep, the two year old that throws tantrums ONLY when EVERYONE is watching, the five year old that won't settle down and go to sleep at night, the teenager that breaks all the rules and stays out past curfew -- the good times ALWAYS outweigh the bad times.

Homeschooling! I suppose "officially" we started Jamie's Kindergarten curriculum September 9th, the day after most public schools in the area started. After an afternoon at the park with the Home Learner's Association, we got down to business by learning five of the Dolch Sight Words. On day one I showed Jamie flashcards with the words I, LITTLE, THE, YOU and GO. Then, laid out in front of her were 26 squares with each letter of the alphabet on them. Jamie had to choose the letters that were in each of her sight words. She always chose the right letters and put them in the proper order. On day two I made fifteen flashcards (3 cards for each word) and taped them all around the house (on the fridge, the door frame, the oven, the windows, etc.) I wrote the first word on her chalkboard: LITTLE. She went in search for the flashcards that had the word LITTLE written on them. When she brought all three cards back she said the word out loud, wrote the word in her writing journal, and then went searching for the next word. On day three we played a memory game with the five sight words. As we've moved onto the next "unit" of sight words (me, help, a, can, jump) we've added these words to our memory game. We still play the word hunt game but only with the NEW five sight words. It's been soooo rewarding to watch her learn so quickly and to be so excited and motivated!

Variations on a Theme by Grilled Cheese

Who doesn't love a gooey, steaming hot grilled cheese sandwich? In my house with three kids ages one, three and five, we couldn't live without bread, cheese and butter. That's why I had to start mixing it up a bit. Here are a few of my favorite grilled cheese variations:



Grilled Pizza
mozzarella, pepperoni and tomato sauce


Grilled Taco
cheddar, refried beans (or taco seasoned ground beef) and salsa


Monte Cristo
Swiss, turkey, apple


Reuban
swiss, corned beef, saurkraut, thousand island dressing


Grilled Egg
colby or cheddar, scrambled egg, crumbled bacon or sausage


Tuna Melt
cheddar, tuna, sliced apple or diced celery

Hot Ham
Ham, provolone, dijon mustard

Chicken Parmesan
Mozzarella, parmesan, breaded chicken (either a patty or 2-3 nuggets)

Chicken Fajita
Cheddar, grilled chicken (flavored with lime or your favorite fajita seasoning) diced peppers



What are some of your family's favorite hot sandwiches?

Defining Myself

What defines who we are? Is it the clothes we wear? The t.v. shows we watch? The people we know? The talents we have? What sets us apart from others? For most of my life, what set me apart was my religion: Mormon. Mormonism is more than a religion, however, it's also a culture- a way of life. Being Mormon always affected my decisions: from what to eat or drink to what I could wear. Restrictions are said to give you freedom but what good is that freedom if you're not living? And so this season of change, this "new journey" I'm on may seem to some like "a series of unfortunate events" but to me it is "the first steps of the journey." I'm leaving behind the Mormon identity and moving forward hoping to rediscover myself: my true self. In the few short weeks that I have been traveling this path I'm happier, more relaxed, more at peace than ever before. It appears I was so insecure for so long because I was trying to be something I wasn't born to be. I was an imposter-- always nervous about when, how, where, and by whom I would get caught. I don't want to spend my life being a fake. I want to live a sincere, truthful, happy life and up until now I was struggling to find that. So now that my religion no longer defines me, what will? I'm hoping it will be the way I raise and teach my children to be positive contributions to their community. Perhaps I'll be defined by how I treat my friends, my loved ones, my neighbors and even strangers passing by. Maybe I'll be defined by my best traits: honest, loyal, sincere, and courageous. I can only hope and pray.

A New Journey

To quote Lemony Snicket, from his book A Series of Unfortunate Events, "What might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of the journey." There is so much truth in that statement. Think about any trial you've ever faced in your lifetime. What was the end result? Did you learn from it? Did you grow? Surely you came out better for having struggled and endured. There have been countless instances in my life where this has been the case. But the positive results don't always come on their own. Most of the positive that comes from our experiences depends on our own perspective. WE are responsible to find the lessons and draw strength from our circumstances. Often, bystanders can see more easily the good that can come from a situation when we are blinded by emotions- confusion, hurt, disappointment or pride. We may simply be too close to the picture to take it all in. But other times people struggle to see the positives in other's circumstances because of their own bias or lack of information. Think about it- persepective changes truth. Knowledge changes truth.

And so I repeat, "What might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of the journey." I am on a new journey that for some will come as sad news. For many it will be disappointing, shocking, maybe unbelievable. But for those that know me best they will begin to see the happiness that has infiltrated my life. The relief and peace I am experiencing as a result of beginning this journey will be evident to those that can set their own bias aside and see me for who I am and not just what I choose (or do not choose) to place my faith in.

In the first post for this blog I wrote, "I've started this blog to share my stories about being a woman, wife, and mother... I don't intend to hold anything back." I'm a woman of my word and have every intention of honoring that statement no matter how uncomfortable or difficult it might be. From here on out it's all about being truthful, real. No more pretending.

To Everything... Turn, Turn, Turn

There comes a time in everyone's life when you realize there really is a time and a season for everything. I remember when school was my focus and also when I knew my education was going to be obtained, not from a university, but from the experiences of raising and homeschooling my children. I remember when I knew the season for my childbearing years was upon me and I remember just as vividly when I realized that season had changed. Many great and wonderful things are happening in my family's lives. After a year and a half of unemployment and part time jobs, my husband was hired at a respectable auto body collision center in the area (Northside Collision) FULL TIME with BENEFITS and BONUSES! No doubt, this opportunity will dramatically change our current (very poor!) circumstances. It's amazing we didn't lose 10 lbs. each this past year sweating over paying the rent and the car payment. And yet, we're grateful for the difficult lessons we learned while we were so financially strapped.
Our children are growing and changing every day. Ashley (age 1) is walking, Jamie (age 5) is learning to read and write, and Brian (age 3) is overcoming his Apraxia of Speech and has added several new words to his vocabulary. Brian also picked out his very first "wardrobe" of super hero big boy underwear! We're 90% accident free on day three of potty training! One month ago I started a part time job working in customer service at "yogen fruz" a frozen yogurt franchise at ShoppingTown Mall. Lots and lots of changes.
Changes are seeping into all areas of our lives: family, friends, finances, faith. Over the next few weeks I hope to utilize my blog as a way to share with you in more detail the changes occuring in my life. I haven't been blogging for the last 6 weeks because instead I've been filling the pages of my personal journal. A friend wote to me in an email today and convinced me it was time to start sharing instead of keeping it all to myself. She wrote, "I love to read what you write--it makes me think and touches my heart. I also really admire how open and frank you are--that takes a lot of courage. I wish I had that." So... on with being "open and frank..."

Rules to Live By

Years ago when I was a teenager struggling through some pretty serious depression, my mother wrote me a letter of encouragement. Included in the envelope was a page entitled, "Some Rules to Live By." It looks like this:
1) To be happy I don't have to be successful at everything I try
2)I do not have to be liked and accepted by all people at all times.
3) If I make a mistake, it's okay.
4) If someone disagrees with me it doesn't mean they don't like me.
5) My value as a person does not depend on what others think of me. I am a child of God. The worth of my soul is great in his eyes.
6) I cannot make people love me but I can love myself
7) Good people sometimes get angry and can have negative feelings too
8) Bad things do happen to great people.

I believe the list was longer but somehow the pages have been separated over the years and it's this one page I have tucked inside my journal. I've been doing a lot of soul searching, praying and pondering to find even more "rules to live by." So far, my list has expanded just slightly:

9) Perfection is not what God requires in order to bless us. It is our thoughts and desires that God is interested in (Revelation 2:23). If our thoughts and desires are in tune with God's Will then we will be blessed.
10) Keep your promises, be truthful, be fair
11) Always be willing to serve. Seek for ways to serve your family, your neighbors
12) Use common sense. Have the heart of a child, the mind of an adult. Be simple, affectionate and teachable.
13) Moderation in all things
14) Choose the right for the right reasons.
15) Be patient, have faith. There will be many times in life when you won't understand why things are happening or why you're being inspired to follow a certain path. With patience and faith the day will come when you'll see.

I try my hardest everyday to remember these rules. Life can be overwhelming at times. Too often I overthink things. I demand perfection from myself even when I know it's not possible. I know that if I'm doing everything I can to be a good person, to have compassion and concern for those around me, it will please God and He will contiue to bless me. I do not need to hold myself to anyone else's standards. (The standards I set for myself are high enough!!) As I tarry on this journey we call life, I'm certain I will keep adding to this list of "rules to live by." Perhaps you will see future blog posts inspired by a few more rules that I will discover and want to share. In the meantime I will do my best to remember one more important rule: Follow your heart, always.

Apraxia of Speech

Brian was recently diagnosed with Childhood Apraxia of Speech. He has been receiving speech therapy services for just under one year and has made unbelievable progress! When Pamela the speech therapist first came to our home Brian was only able to grunt and whine. Learning his vowel sounds six or seven months into therapy was torture. Then about a month ago Brian just lit up. He started using all six vowel sounds and twenty or so consonants. They are isolated, but it's a long way from grunting and whining. And then... "ball." I thought I was going to cry! Wait, I did cry! Finally my little boy seems to be coming to life. He has discovered the satisfaction in verbal communication and is beginning to use more sign language as well as his new found words. "Yes, no, ball, cat, dog, Doug, more, bug, balloon, blue, bye, boat, Bob (yes as in Sponge-bob!) vroom, ow, whoa, wee..." perhaps there are more. For now, that's what I can list. I am filled with such pride and joy. I can tell Brian is too. He has come so far- and there's still a ways to go. But together we're going to get there. *****
I've copied the definition, explanation and treatment for Childhood Apraxia of Speech below this post because speech delays can often be confused with language delays. In Brian's case it's not just that "he's a boy and he'll have a language boom when he's three years old or so..." I hope to help others understand my little boy a little better.

"Apraxia, a motor-speech programming disorder, is diagnosed when a child has difficulty executing and sequencing the skilled motor movements needed for speech... the apraxic child finds it difficult to produce and combine phonemes (the smallest unit of speech sound) to create words, phrases, and sentences at will. These children hear the words but are unable to put the consonants and vowels togetherto form the problem syllables and words. They understand the words, and they know what they want to say, but they cannot execute the sounds and movements properly to form the words.
"The best generally accepted ways to help the apraxic child is through speech-language therapy utilizing repetitions and drills, conversation with the child filling in blanks and finishing thoughts, and modeling speech after someone offering the proper prompts and cues.
"Children can learn through the repetition of songs and rhymes and even the repetition of a sound they are comfortable with. Reading with the child and engaging him in a familiar story...in a theraputic setting or home..."
- Woliver, Robbie. Alphabet Kids: From ADD to Zellwegger Syndrome.

Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom

So here it is. My messy home. I've decided that there is no sense in pretending that I ACTUALLY keep a tidy home. Now, that having been confessed there is a difference between tidiness and cleanliness. There are three things that are required for cleanliness in my house:
1) The bathroom scrubbed top to bottom 1-2 times per week
2) Sweeping and vacuuming the floors (a constant battle but necessary with a crawling baby running wild in the house)
3) Laundry. Three children, a mechanic for a husband and me- well, I have to pick up the messy children, so my clothes are just as interesting as the children's.
Okay, so really there are four requirements:
4) Dishes.
Some of you may have read my status on facebook a few days ago about my frustration with dishes. I'm the kind of woman that likes to do a job until it's done and then I enjoy revelling in my accomplishment. With dishes, however, they are just never done. Many have suggested that the same is true for laundry, but I think it is a little different. Anyway, dishes, obviously is my struggle. Even when I try to wash a dish immediately after it's used usually situations arise that make it impossible for me to turn the water on, get the rag sudsy and scrub the dish. And most often it's not just one but four or five plates, cups, forks and the dish we cooked with. That makes as many as 16+ dishes! So, I'm letting you in on my "dirty" little secret with a bit of ulterior motive. First, so I can learn about what some of your organizing/cleaning/tidying systems are. What is your motivation? Do you clean throughout the day or first thing in the morning? Do you wait until kids are asleep to begin attacking the messes made throughout the day? Second, maybe this will help alleviate some of the pressure women in our society (intentionally or not) place on each other to keep perfect homes with everything in its place. How tidy (or not) our homes are is NOT, in my opinion, a reflection of who we are or how good of a mother we are. FYI: my dishes get stacked up when we're on our fourth day in a row of playing in the backyard together from sun-up to sundown; when I'm making myself available for my children to facilitate games, crafts, snacks, breakfast, lunch, lemonade stands, stroller walks, bike rides, trips to the library or the playground, filling the swimming pool with water from the hose, making the hose into a sprinkler with my thumb over the hole because we don't actually have a sprinkler!) pushing everyone on the swings (almost always 3 kids simultaneously) building sand dunes in the sandbox, discovering bugs, playing "RED LIGHT! GREEN LIGHT," or reading books together on a rainy afternoon. I'm not a maid I'm a mother. Some day my kitchen counters will be clutter free, the dishes always clean, toys and books always in their place. But for now, I'm relaxing my standards and remembering that when my children have all grown they won't write in a Mother's Day card, "Thanks, Mom, for keeping a clean house and always doing the dishes. You're the best!"

One Last Time

Nearly ten months ago, Jamie stepped onto a school bus for the first time. She was four years old and excited for new adventures. I remember that morning vividly. Ashley was just two months old and Brian was days away from turning two. Needless to say, my hands were full. I was more relieved than sad about letting Jamie go that morning because I needed a little break at that point. Papa helped Jamie on the bus that rainy first day and I waved happily to my little girl. I didn't shed one tear. Brian had a meltdown. Where was his big sister going? And without him? Later I prayed over my scrambled eggs and got a little choked up when I asked God to keep my Jamie safe. But I recovered. (FYI: When I registered Jamie for Kindergarten before I was 100% sure about homeschooling, I bawled for ten minutes in the car after handing in the forms and was handed a generic kindergarten brochure I had seen at all the area libraries before...)
And today is the final day of Pre-K. I will put my daughter on the big yellow school bus one last time. She will wave wildly and give me the "I love you" sign until the bus drives out of sight. One last time I will pray that my little girl makes it safely to and from school. One last time I will have from 8:45 to 12:15 with just Brian and Ashley for stroller walks around the neighborhood, trips to the library and quiet activities together. One last time I will start watching for the bus fifteen minutes before I know it could possibly arrive to bring Jamie home. One last time will I feel like SOMETHING (or someone) IS MISSING.
Today is a wonderful day. I have no regrets about putting Jamie into the pre-K program. She made great friends and as a result I made friends as well. She learned a lot. I learned a lot. We grew so much over the last ten months. And now, it's on to the next adventure: homeschooling kindergarten.

Homemade Pizza

Place 2 c. warm water in bowl.
Add 2 tsp. active dry yeast
Let yeast dissolve
Add 2 tbs. sugar
3 tsp. salt
5 tblsp. oil and stir.
Then add 5 c. flour

Stir until it starts to thicken and then knead with extra flour if necessary. (This recipe makes three traditional style pizzas. You can cut the dough ball in half to make the crust a little thicker or in four if you like your crust a little thinner. I typically cut it in thirds, bake one and freeze the others in two separate bags.)

My kids prefer an old fashioned pepperoni and cheese. Mike and I enjoy replacing tomato sauce with blue cheese dressing and adding chicken pieces marinated in Frank's Red Hot and sprinkled with mozzarella. It's also good to add some extra chunks of blue cheese. Mmmmm.

Bake in a 475 degree oven 12-15 minutes.

Some ideas for toppings:
A variety/combination of cheeses
Pepperoni
Green or black olives
broccoli
mushrooms (we buy the canned ones, drain and add to pizza)
Asparagus
Spinach
Thinly sliced tomato (don't use red sauce, instead just butter and garlic)
BBQ Pork
Marinated chicken
Artichoke
Green pepper and onion
Ham
Pineapple

Did I miss any? What are some other toppings you and your family enjoy?

Explanations

When my father was turning the big 5-0 my mother put together a surprise birthday party for him. When the guest list was being discussed she said something about "adults only" would be invited to the party. I was disappointed because I figured that I meant I couldn't go. Perhaps I should have told you that when my dad turned 50 I had been married for over a year. Although I was young, I was an adult.
Becoming an adult I feel has been a process for me. Even now with 3 children ages 1 through 5 and seven years of marriage "under my belt" so to speak, there are days I feel not a day over 17. And then the nice teenager at the grocery store calls me "ma'am." Ma'am? When did I become a ma'am instead of a miss? And reality crashes down on me. I may not be very old in age but my life and its surrounding elements and circumstances have aged me. At the ripe old age of 26 1/2 I have the life of a 35 year old... whatever that means.
So anyway, to the point I've got swimming around in my head... As a child and teenager I always felt obligated to explain myself. Whether it was things at school, home, or church I could never seem to do something, "just because." There always had to be a purpose, a meaning, a greater force driving me to do what I did. But now as an adult I'm wondering if is it necessary for me to explain EVERYTHING I do. Do I need to explain why I've decided to homeschool my children? Do I need to explain why I wasn't in church on Sunday? Do I need to explain why I don't want to attend my Mary Kay business training meetings? Do I need to explain why my 2 1/2 year old with Apraxia can't speak as well as the other kids his age? I'm inclined to think that explaining myself was something I did as a kid. Now as an adult, will there ever be a day I won't have to explain my every move? Be it big or small, explanations can take a lot out of you. I have so much being taken out of me on a daily basis, I don't know that I can offer much else.
I apologize for this post sounding perhaps like a huge complaint. My purpose however, (and here I go again, explaining myself) is to see if I'm alone in this train of thought. Am I being unreasonable?

Father's Day Craft

Father's Day is about 10 days away. I was inspired today while flipping through a book to make these cute prize ribbons with Jamie.

Materials needed:
construction paper (blue would be best since it respresents First Prize)
Markers or crayons
Glue
Scissors
Coffee Filters

Cut two strips of paper about 2 inches wide. Cut bottoms of each strip to make "ribbons." Glue these strips together at the top and at an angle. Glue a coffee filter to the top. Cut out a circle to fit inside the coffee filter and write sentiment on circle. (#1 Dad, You're the best, I love you, Thanks, etc.) Present to YOUR #1 Dad!!

On the Line

On a warm, breezy day a little less than a month ago I decided I wanted to line-dry a load of laundry. I was feeling optomistic, the kids were playing on the swingset and I just felt like being productive. So, I dug out the clothespins, brought the wet clothes up from the basement and starting pinning them to the line. As the fabric absorbed the warm sun and flapped in the wind a huge sense of accomplishment rushed over me. After both lines were full I stepped back and gazed at my children's miniature outfits hung neatly in rows. I was smiling. I laughed at myself. Why were those clothes dangling in the wind such a beautiful sight to me? What was it about line-drying that filled me with pride? I liked how it felt and so at that moment I resolved to stop using the electric dryer in the basement for as long as I could.
It's been a little more than three weeks now since I've used the dryer. Anyone up for a challenge: who ever can refrain from using the dryer for the most consecutive days will win a laundry gift basket (detergent, fabric softener, clothespins, etc.)
Honor System!! Starting now. Good luck!

Murphy's Law

Murphy's Law presents itself differently in everyone's life. For me it goes something like this: the kids soil their diapers in the morning, but because this afternoon I've gone to run errands and left the diapers and wipes sitting on the counter, one child has filled his/her pants. Or the one morning we can all sleep in a little the phone rings waking everyone up quite early. Or just the opposite happens-- I need the kids to be up so we can get somewhere on time and they decide they want to sleep an hour later than usual (and I HATE waking sleeping children!) What have been some of your "run ins" with the (Murphy's) Law?

Modern Technology

Several weeks ago we experienced high winds here in CNY. Earlier that morning I took the kids to the grocery store and when we returned just after 10am I was disappointed to find the clock on our electric oven blank, no hum from the fridge, the microwave- dead. Hm. I didn't panic right away. No power for a few minutes would be fine. I pulled out a large basket of books and the kids collected their favorite blankets and pillows and settled themselves down in front of the large windows, the only place in the house with sufficient (natural) lighting. Even Ashley was flipping pages (ok, so she did chew on a few, but still!) More than an hour passed and I was amazed that my children were still happily flipping pages of their favorite bedtime stories, giggling and asking questions about some of the pictures. Jamie would occasionally invite Brian over to her pillow and "read" a favorite story to him. It was wonderful. Then everyone noticed their tummies grumbling. Even after returning from the grocery store I found myself unprepared to feed everyone without a microwave or electric stove/oven. (I had forgotten to pick up a loaf of bread, so peanut butter and jelly just wasn't an option.) We ended up munching on crackers with cream cheese and Goldfish crackers, and the kids were thrilled!
So I wonder, what does your family do in the event of a daytime power outage when the weather does not permit outdoor play and activities? Are you prepared for this event? I'd love to hear some of your ideas about what you'd feed the kids and what activities you would enjoy if the tv didn't work, the radios won't play music, and the computer's screen remains black. I'd like to be better prepared the next time I have three children to entertain without modern technology to help me out!

Handwriting

As I've been dipping my toes in the waters of homeschooling I've begun giving Jamie little assignments and resonsibilities at home including washing 5 dishes every day, writing specific letters of the alphabet in her journal, creating something with scissors, paper and glue, and reading a minimum of 3 books (we ALWAYS exceed 3 books anyway.) I've noticed that as much as she loves to read and create things and play in the soapy water, she's very upset about having to copy over two or three letters in her journal. She tries to negotiate with me, "Ok, Mom, I'll write this letter one time." Or "Mom, how 'bout I just draw pictures of my friend?" It's quite adorable actually, but it has concerned me since soon there will be more writing assignments and paperwork to do once we transition to 100% homeschooling after Pre-K.
I've tried several things. We bought a fancy writing journal and decorated it with stickers- the pages were quickly filled with drawings and more stickers and other random scribbles. We tried sparkly pencils and pens. I even gave her some flexibility, "You need to copy these letters over today whenever you'd like, as long as it's done before bedtime." Do I even need to tell you that bedtime would approach and the paper would sit on her table- blank. By the time I noticed the blank page we would be neck deep in baths, pajamas, storytime and last minute snacks and drinks (for THREE children) before being tucked in for the night. So even that didn't work.
Finally, I have discovered a combination of things that work. The first thing that has encouraged Jamie to finish her assignments and chores for the day is a little incentive. I cut out triangles from brown construction paper and glued them, upside down, in rows on a large 11X14 sheet of paper. On rainbow colored paper I cut out "scoops" of ice cream. When a "scoop" is glued to the upside down triangle it looks like an ice cream cone! They are very cute. So, when she finishes something on her list of assingments she gets a scoop for each item. Together we agreed that when all the ice cream cones are full we'll have an ice cream sundae party after our family meal one night. The dishes get cleaned, she sits in her reading corner and looks through books for the better part of an hour, but for some reason the ice cream chart just still isn't enough encouragement for her to do her writing assignment. The blank writing assignment paper remains.
Then this afternoon we were making birthday cards for Aunt Stacey. Jamie spelled out H-A-P-P-Y B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y S-T-A-C-E-Y. With a heart, she signed her name. She had just practiced writing her letters and without a fight! She finally put a scoop of ice cream on a cone for writing her letters (I may have been more excited about this than Jamie!) So, if you receive a card in the mail from Jamie for seemingly no reason at all... well, we were thinking of you, of course! But she may also have been practicing her handwriting...

Black and Pink

This weekend Jamie will perform in her first ever dance recital (Saturday, June 6, 2pm at the East Syracuse-Minoa High School. Everyone is welcome!!) Watching her dance around the living room to practice her routine reminds me of when I was three years old and starting dance classes. My mother took me to the attic of the firehouse in East Syracuse. I remember the small stage, the music, and the voice that instructed us what to do with our hands, feet, toes, "Now spin around" coming from the record player. At the end of the session I remember being fitted for my first tutu. Every little girl's dream, right? Sure. But the tutu is what color? PINK? No, I cry. I don't like pink. My sister had been a bumblebee for her dance recital the year before and I wanted to wear her BLACK tutu. I would not wear a pink tutu. I won the argument and the proof I have is pictures of my first dance recital and somewhere, a VHS recording. Like a sore thumb I'm fluttering about on stage in a burgundy leotard, white tights and a BLACK tutu.
23 years later Jamie has been taking dance at the elementary school I attended when I was her age. Up on the stage in the cafeteria in a bright red leotard, white tights and ballet shoes is a little girl that looks eerily too much like her mother. As the recital approached a letter was sent home with instructions for the dress rehearsal and recital including how the girls are to wear their hair and what color tights and ballet slippers are to be worn. WHITE tights? Jamie is devestated. I don't want to wear white tights. I want to wear PINK! I was able to convince her that white would be better because all the other girls will be wearing white and we don't want them to be jealous of her pink tights. She thought for a minute and decided that she didn't want anyone to be upset with her either. So white tights it is.
I wonder if any of the girls in my dance class were jealous of my black tutu? Probably not.

Lemonade $.25

Jamie was all excited about having her lemonade stand. We went to the store to buy little Dixie cups and a large bag of ice. When we got home we mixed the lemonade (pink, of course) and added the ice. We colored posters, blew up primary color balloons and found a peanut butter jar for her to collect her earnings. After setting up a table and placing the signs, balloons and pitcher of lemonade where the customers could see, she sat down and waited for her first customer. I was going to say that she "waited patiently," but that would have been a lie. Within seconds she was frustrated. "Where is everyone? Why aren't they coming to my lemonade stand?" As cars approached she would be hopeful. "Here comes my first customer, Mommy!" And just as quickly as the car approached it would pass. Her shoulders would slump and she'd sink back into her chair. Over and over again, her anticipation and excitement was smothered. An unexpected teaching opportunity had presented itself.
It has been a difficult lesson for me to learn over the years that sometimes no matter how hard we try to make something go just the way we want it to, no matter how much we plan and prepare, we don't always get the outcome we had hoped for (i.e. raising children and the ten thousand "sub-categories" that come with the territory!) Jamie had the expectation that every car that passed by her stand would stop, place a quarter in her peanut butter jar and enjoy a cup of her ice cold lemonade. Had she failed because that expectation had not been met? Of course not. Her lemonade stand was absolutely adorable. She had everything she needed- cups, ice, lemonade, signs advertising what she was selling and for how much. She was prepared. She was successful in her preparations and her committment to the stand (we spent more than two hours watching cars pass.) Her success was starting something and not giving up just because it wasn't going as well as she planned.
I think the parallels between this experience and my experience as a mother are pretty obvious. Motherhood may not be anything like I expected but I'm committed to my children. My entire life I've been preparing (unknowingly perhaps) to raise these children, and I'm still learning and preparing myself for another day. Frequently my preparations turn out to be wasted time: The carrots and celery I cleaned and chopped to have ready for snack are left untouched while I find myself filling the request for cut apples instead. The craft supplies I organized so that we could make puppets get turned into a different craft entirely. But I'm learning to be prepared for anything and to be more flexible. Some days require more preparation, other days, more flexibility. Every day requires lots and lots of clean up! As long as I am providing a safe, loving, fun environment for my children to learn and grow in, every day is a success. It's a given that things won't always go as planned. But that's where the adventure begins. Just go along for the ride.

Welcome to Lemonade Stand. I've started this blog to share my stories about being a woman, wife, and mother. Mostly, my stories are about my children Jamie age 5, Brian 2 1/2, and Ashley 10 months, and the adventures we share. I don't intend to hold anything back. Many of the stories I wish to share are only funny now that I'm looking back on them. But my goal is to answer the question, "Does this ever happen to anyone else?" So, if you're having one of those days when one child has created a masterpiece on the kitchen wall with a Sharpie, while the baby woke early from her nap and stripped off all her clothes and diaper and pooped in the crib, I hope you'll visit me and read about my day. You just might find that my children have decided to pour 20 gallons of pinto beans in the bathtub clogging the drain requiring us to call a plumber and spend a couple hundred dollars to fix it. One thing that has helped me as a mom is knowing that I'm not alone. Other families are learning and growing together just like we are. While no two families are the same, we all have a common goal: to love our children and teach them to be independent, functional, compassionate human beings that will make positive contributions to their family and community. How we accomplish this is unique to our own background, knowledge, values, experiences and opinions. That's what makes life interesting. So, stop by my Lemonade Stand often. We all need refreshment now and again. I hope as you read you'll find some of that refreshment here.